Currently The Tortilla Curtain By T. Coraghessan Boyle see related

183.6

Went to the gym.  Came home to a house without electricity.  G was rewiring the entire box.  He has been studying books and making diagrams for weeks.  He is methodical and thorough, and very, very bright.  People sometimes don't think so because his Spanglish sucks.  But I am comfortable that the house is not going to burn down. 

When it got dark I lit candles.  Then I got bored and blew them out and went to my meeting.  Stopped at Wal*Mart and bought black sox.  I buy men's socks -- they make them nice and warm and DURABLE, as opposed to women's socks, which are three times as expensive and fall apart.

By the time I came home the lights were back on, say hallelujuah.  I can't imagine living without electricity.  Yes I know millions do.  I don't know what I did in a former life but I am grateful that I got to live in this country. 

I'm going to LawnGuyland tomorrow to see dad.  I'll stay overnight, something I really am loath to do but it will make the guy happy and I won't have to run like hell to get quality time in with him.  If he gets to be too much I'll just go over to my brother's place.  I hate spending nights away from my little home and my kitties.  It's just that simple. 

The book I am reading so far is not great.  I am waiting for the two worlds to collide...

184, dammit, and Godless

Sigh.  Back to the grindstone...er, I mean, treadmill.  I'm getting frustrated again.

Turns out yesterday I really was sick;  I took my temp around 8 pm and was at 101ºf.  I got a LOT of sleep.

Found out that one of my online friends has passed away.  We belonged to the same recovery email group and I had known him since about 1998 even though I never met him in person.  He was a rascally curmudgeon, Tom was, but we became good friends over time.  He was only 63.  He will be missed.

I am trying to decide on a date to go visit dad.  I don't want to go;  He is difficult and I don't like the guy very much.  Right wing, homophobic, anti-Semitic, bigoted in other ways, penurious, spouts off about "Christianity" a little too much for my comfort.  There is something very wrong with him and I couldn't begin to say what it is.  Except he and I share the same tendency to foot-in-mouth disease and alienating others.

Here's an example...

I tell you, I just keep coming back to thinking there is no God.  At least one that gets involved in our day-to-day issues.  I've done a lot of reading of spiritual books and I go to a meeting every day, sometimes two.  I pray.  I dispense with prayer and just talk.  I am being "brainwashed" by AA to believe in God and it just ain't "taking."  I know a few people who do AA without a god successfully.  I'm going to ask how they do step 11, "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

I love watching shows about science, the universe and all that wonderful stuff.  It's there I find a feeling of worshipfulness.  So maybe for me there is a higher power in all that, and maybe it just doesn't get down with us po' mortals here on earth, like I said, day-to-day.

I don't believe in any kind of afterlife either, which kinda sucks.  Good-bye is good-bye when I lose someone or something (kitty) that I love.  That energy that animated them just gets subsumed by the All.

Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends, subs and visitors. 

Sis, bro and I went to St. Elsewhen to see mom and have a $20-each turkey dinner that probably cost $3 to make >sigh< that's okay.  Mom and sis also gave me belated birthday gifts.  A shawl of turquoise with brightly colored trim, a costume ring with faux topaz, and a desk set made of sparkly stuff and mirrors which is really pretty and different.  And a cake, which nobody wanted to eat after eating dinner.  So they sent me home with it.  I've had a piece and am wondering if I will be forced to throw the rest out.  I am not going to let it sit there.  I know me.  I'll get up at 2 a.m. and pig out on it.

As soon as we sat down to dinner, Mom started to say that she couldn't stay there, that her stomach hurt, and her legs were bothering her.  Ka took her back to her room while Bro and I ate, and brought her back some time later.  Mom does this every farking holiday.  I think Ka strong-armed her into coming back down.

Called dad to say hello.  I think I will be going up there on Saturday.  Not sure if I will drive it or take the ferry.  I might drive it.  It's a long trip.  Can't get there from here.  Here being mid-southern CT and there being the Hamptons in NY.  I just HATE spending a night away from home.  Hate it.  Hence my decision to drive it. 

I will be going over to Sponsor's for "dessert" and to meet her new kitty, Shmoo.  I might call her and beg off though.  I would rather nap.

183.8

After the meeting this noontime one of the oldtimers, Mary, came up and told me that I am showing growth.  I can't see it, but isn't that always the way?  I hope what she is seeing is the real thing.

Exercised my fat little butt off today in anticipation of tonight (alkathon) and tomorrow (turkey day).  I just know it's going to be nigh-on impossible to keep my paws off the goodies.  And I do intend to watch it;  just won't be pigging out is all.

Brought the wreath I bought back to the store, and got a smaller one.  Much happier about this.  It's the little stuff, don't ya know.

If you're looking for pre-made wreaths in New England, the only place I found that has any kind of assortment is Michael's.

My headshrinker pushed back on me yesterday.  I think that is the first time he has ever done that.  It felt ugly.  Like the first time your mother tells you, "No."  He told me I need to stop reacting.  We were talking about me leaving the retreat because I felt so left out.  I will be thinking hard about that, and asking him more about it.  If he thinks I can get better, and get over this terror of being excluded or abandoned, I am gingerly willing to try to go along with him.

Off to read my subs!